英语幽默笑话翻译集锦

上帝,我能得到一便士吗?

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

一个比一个效率高

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

布什总统在大街上看到一盏金色的灯

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"

第二步怎办？

allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

收取20美元。

“I'm  sorry ，Madam ，but I shall  have  to  charge  you  twenty  dollars  for  pulling  your  boy's  tooth .”        
    “Twenty  dollars!   Why，I  understand  you  to  say  that  you  charged  only  four  dollars  for  such  work!”
    “Yes ，but  this  youngster  yelled  so  terribly  that  he  scared  four  other  patients  out   of  the  office  .”

    “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
    “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
    “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

谁是第一个男人？

A teacher said to her class:

"Who was the first man?"

George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly.

"How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling indulgently.

"Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."

But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

"Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?"

"I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him."



谁是第一个男人？

有个老师问班上的学生：
“谁是第一个男人？”
“乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。
“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢？”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。
小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。”
这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。
“那么，”老师对他说，“你认为谁是第一个男人呢？”
“我不知道他的名字，”大点儿的男孩说，“但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿，老师。因为历史书上说，乔治·华盛顿娶了一个寡妇，所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”

四减四等于几？

One day, the teacher inquired Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.
    The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"
    "The hole." replied Peter.

四减四等于几？
    一天，老师问彼得：“４减４等于几？”彼得张口结舌答不上来。
    老师生气地说：“真苯！比如我给你衣袋里装进４个硬币，可你衣袋上有个窟窿，硬币全从这里漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么？”
    “还剩下个窟窿。”彼得答道。

哥伦布的电话号码

Columbus's Telephone Number
Little Mary: I find in my history book there is always such number (1451--1560) after the name Christopher Columbus. Would you please explain why, sir?
Little Rose: I can tell her, sir. It was Columbus's telephone number.

哥伦布的电话号码
小玛丽：我在历史书中发现，克里斯托。哥伦布这个名字后老是有(1451-1560)着几个数字，老师，请您给解释一下好吗？
小罗斯：老师，我能告诉她。那是哥伦布的电话号码。

第四元素

The Fourth Element
Teacher: What are the four element of nature?
Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...
Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?
Student: Soap!

第四元素
老师：自然界的四大元素是什么？
学生：火、气、和。。。和。。。
老师：和什么？想一想， 你用什么洗手的？
学生：肥皂。

谁的错？

Whose Fault
Teacher: Betty, you made so many mistakes in your exercise, surely your mother will blame you!
Betty: Blame me? Oh, mo. On the contrary, I'll blame her. Because it was she that did my homework instead.

谁的错
老师：贝蒂，你作业中出了这么多错，你妈妈一定会责怪你的！
贝蒂：责怪我？啊，不会的。正相反，我倒要责怪她呢，是她替我做的作业。

两只鸟

Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

新老师

The New Teacher
    George comes from school on the first of September.
    "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
    "I didn‘t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师
    9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
    ”乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？“ 妈妈问。
    ”妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。“

一次物理考试

A physics Examination
    Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
    The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
    Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试
    在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
    这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
    尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

入学考试

An Entrance Examination
    In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, 'What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
    "To be deaf," replied the boy.
    "Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
    "Why, sir! don't you have know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

入学考试
    在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问一位应试的小伙子：”音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？“
    ”耳聋。“小伙子答道。
    ”胡说！“老师恼怒地说。
    ”怎么啦，先生！ 您难道连大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子都不知道？“小伙子轻蔑地反问道。

世界上最大的

The Biggest in the World
    Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
Teacher: Peter! Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
Peter: Well, well.... eyelids....
Teacher: What? Eyelids?
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.

世界上最大的
    老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？
彼得：这，这。。。。。眼皮。。。。。
老师：什么？眼皮？
彼得：是这样，老师，因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上的一切东西都遮住了。

一封神秘的信

A Mysterious Letter
“I don't like to inquire too curiously into your affairs，”said the lady to her husband．“But something's been bothering me for days．”
“So？” said the husband．“Tell me all about it．”
“You got a letter last Friday，”the lady said．“It was perfumed．It was in a girl's handwriting．I saw you oped it：you broke into a sweat．You turned white．Your hands trembled…For goodness'sake，who was it from and what did it say？”
“Oh，that，”said the husband．“I decided it was best for both of us not to talk about it at the time．”
“For heaven's sake，”screamed the woman．“Tell me who it was from and what it said．”
“Okay，”said the husband．“It was from your dress shop．It said you owe them＄740.00．”

一封神秘的信
“我不想过分好奇地打听你的事情，”妻子对她的丈夫说。“但是有件事已经困扰我好几天了。”
“是吗？”丈夫说。“你说给我听听。”
“上星期五你收到了一封信，”妻子说。“信是洒了香水的。是女孩的字迹。我见你打开信：你突然冒出一身冷汗，你的脸变得煞白，你的手颤抖着……。天哪，是谁写的信？信上都说了些什么？”
“噢，是这事儿。”丈夫说。“我当时决定我们俩最好不要谈论它。”
“天哪！”那女人尖叫起来，“告诉我谁写的，都写了些什么。”
“好吧。”丈夫说。“是从你的服装店寄来的，说你欠他们七百四十美元。”

haha,that's funny!

noe bad.
thanks for sharing.