英语四级作文写作辅导

[b]Who can say it's no good?[/b]

读者原文
Every year, on Spring Festival Eve, the Spring Festival Gala is broadcast live on CCTV and million of people watch it. However, in recent years, there is a discussion about whether the gala should be canceled.
Someone argue that it's a waste of time and money in preparation for the gala. They also emphasize that the performances on the gala don't change at all every year and they are just dull and tedious.
However, many others don't think so and I am one of them. From my point of view, first, the Spring Festival Gala is more a family affair than a simple program. It offers a wonderful opportunity for the family to gather together chatting with each other. Second, the humorous cross talks really amuse us with happy laughter. What's more, the program offers chances for talented young people as many stars get famous after their appearance at the gala.
In conclusion, I think the gala shouldn't be canceled. Whether the gala is good or not, isn't it a matter of personal preference? As no two leaves are exactly the same, everyone has his own preference. For those who think the gala boring, they have many other choices. For me, I will still be watching it year after year.

修改后的文章

Every year, on Spring Festival Eve, CCTV broadcasts its Spring Festival Gala live to millions of viewers. However, in recent years, there have been discussions about whether the gala should be canceled.
Some people argue that it's a waste of time and money, since a lot of money and manpower are needed to prepare for it. They also emphasize that the performances have changed little over the years and that they are just dull and tedious.
However, many others don't agree. I'm one of them. From my point of view, the Spring Festival Gala is, in a sense, more a national event than a simple TV program. It offers a wonderful opportunity for families across the country to gather together and visit with each other. It tries to bring pleasure, happiness and harmony to all the Chinese people. Second, the cross talk and skits amuse us with their witty remarks and really make us laugh. What's more, the program offers a chance for young people to display their talent. Many aspiring starlets make a name for themselves performing for the gala.
In conclusion, I don't think the gala should be canceled. After all, who can really say the gala's no good? Isn't it just a matter of personal taste? As for those who think it's boring, they could just switch to other channels and choose whatever other entertainment they like. But I'll still be watching the gala on Spring Festival Eve, this year and every year after.

点评

这篇作文文章切题，内容丰富，文字错误较少。问题是对要表达的内容思考不够透彻，有些话说得不合情理。下面是几点具体的修改建议：
1.第二段第一句中的"Someone argue"应改为"Some people argue"。"someone"指一个人，具体是谁，并无所指。同一句中，"it's a waste of time and money in preparation for the gala"意思不通。"It"只可能指"gala"或"to hold the gala "，但代到句子中就读不通了。
2.第二段第二句中"the performances on the gala don't change at all every year"的意思是有的年份有变化，有的年份没有变化。这显然不是作者的本意。可以改为"the performances at the gala have changed little over the years "。
3. 第三段第二句"the Spring Festival Gala is more a family affair than a simple program"句型很高级，但内容有瑕疵，如果是家事，就没有公开讨论的必要了，建议改为修改后的文章中的形式。为加强说服力，还可以加一句"It tries to bring pleasure, happiness and harmony to all the Chinese people"。
4.第三段第四句中"the humorous cross talks really amuse us with happy laughter"内容逻辑有问题，相声演员不是以他们的笑声来逗我们乐。
5.第三段最后一句中"the program offers chances for talented young people as many stars get famous after their appearance at the gala"内容也有一些不合情理，明星就是出了名的演员，说明星上了春晚才变成名人不符合事实。
6.最后一段中的"For those who think…"和"For me"应改为"As for those who think…"和"As for me"。As for意为"关于、至于"，引导一个与所谈内容有关的主语，如，"You'll get a room to yourself. As for Tom, he'll have to sleep on the sofa"。

Spring Festival Gala on CCTV

Most people are fond of watching the Spring Festival Gala on the Spring Festival Eve. People, especially the old, regard it as a traditional custom. They think it's warm for the whole family to have chance to get together and watch the program.

However, some think the program should be cancelled. Many young people show no interest in it and pursue more fashionable way to enjoy themselves. They consider it costs a lot of money but almost stays the same each year. So it gets more boring every year.

In my opinion, I think Spring Festival Gala should not be cancelled. It has become a significant part of the Chinese lunar new year. Chinese need an event like the gala to get the whole family together and enjoy the holiday together. But we must enhance the quality of the gala. One way is to set up a clear and concrete theme in each gala. This will help make each gala different and gives people something refreshing.

修改后的文章

Most people are fond of watching the Spring Festival Gala on the Spring Festival Eve. The majority of people, especially the old, regard it as an important custom. They think that greeting the new year by getting together and watching the program brings warmth to the whole family.

There are some, however, who think the program should be cancelled. Many young people show no interest in it and are exploring more fashionable ways to enjoy themselves. They argue that it costs too much but stays almost the same year after year. To them it is getting more boring.

But, in my opinion, the Spring Festival Gala should not be cancelled, because it is a significant part of Chinese lunar new year. We need an event like this to bring the whole family together in celebration of the age-old holiday. But the organizers need to try to innovate and enhance the quality of the gala. One way I have thought of is to develop a distinct theme for each gala. This will help make each one different and give people something new and refreshing every year.

点评

这篇作文写得比较好，文章切题，观点明确，表达简单明了，文字较为连贯，对英语中常用的习惯搭配掌握熟练，语言错误也不多。但句型较简单，用词表达上的变化也较少。下面是几点具体的修改建议：

1. 第一段第三句中的"it's warm for the whole family to have chance to get together and watch the program"可以改为修改后文章中的形式。原句的意思是"全家有机会聚在一起看这个节目(这件事)是温暖的"，而实际要表达的意思是"聚在一起看节目来迎接新年给全家人带来了温暖"。另外chance作机会解，一般是可数的，前面应有冠词 ( have a chance)。

2. 第二段第二句中的"pursue more fashionable way"可以改为"explore more fashionable ways"。 "Pursue"与"way"搭配很少见到。way也是可数名词，应该用复数形式。

3. 第二段第三句中的"but almost stays the same"应改为"but stays almost the same"。这里almost主要修饰"the same" ，应放在"the same"前面。

4. 第三段第一句和第二句应合并为一句，见修改后的文章。合并后，两个句子的主从关系明确，使文章更为紧凑。

5. 第三段第一句中的"In my opinion"和"I think"两个短语完全同义，只能取其一。这种重复削弱了文章的表现力，在作文考试中比较多见，其原因可能是因为考试指令中有字数要求。其实很多作文字数已经大大超过要求，重复非但不能加分，反而给阅卷老师不好的印象，应引起广大考生的注意。同一段接下去第三句中的"to get the whole family together and enjoy the holiday together"，又是两个together连着用，去掉后一个together，意思一点也没有变，但读上去就好得多。

6. 第三段第五句中的"to set up a clear and concrete theme"应改为"to set/develop a … theme"。"to set up"的意思是"竖起、建起", 而set的意思是"确定(decide)"。例如："Have they set a date for the wedding?"

7. 第三段最后一句"This will help make each gala different and gives people something refreshing"中的gives应改为give，因为give是接动词help的。这是长句中易犯的一种错误，应注意避免。

读者原文

Adapt it to audience taste

It's been about two decades since the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV came to the life of the Chinese people. Chinese families have already taken it as a tradition to watch the program while celebrating the coming of a new year. In fact, family member need a type of amusement on the Spring Festival Eve to help them kill the time. The Gala is the best choice.

However, in recent years, the popularity of the Gala has been declining. Some people complain the program is boring and think it should be cancelled. Due to the changes of the society, many people find their tastes for entertainment programs have already changed but the Gala still maintains its old format and content. Moreover, more people turn to the Internet for entertainment.

As far as I'm concerned, the Gala can never be replaced by any other programs. I believe CCTV can make it more diverse and interesting by adapting it to the audiences' tastes and listening to their advice. And then, the audience will come back.

修改后的文章

It's been almost two decades since the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV came into the lives of Chinese people. Many families have made watching the program a tradition for celebrating the coming of a new year. In fact, family members need some type of amusement on Spring Festival Eve to help create a festive atmosphere. The Gala is a natural choice.

However, in recent years, the Gala has been declining in popularity. Some people complain that it' s boring and think that it should be cancelled. It's true that, because of social changes, people's taste in entertainment programs has changed. Unfortunately, the Gala has maintained its old format and content at a time when more people are turning to the Internet for their entertainment. But, as far as I'm concerned, the Gala could never be replaced. I cannot conceive of any other entertainment that's better at getting the whole family together to greet the new year. I believe CCTV can adapt the program to audience taste by making it more diverse and interesting. To do this, CCTV needs to go among the people and listen to what they have to say. When they come up with programs with real popular appeal, the audience will come back.

点评

这篇作文写得相当好，内容比较充实，文字比较流畅，作者对复合长句有很好的驾驭能力，对书面英语的语感也很不错。除了个别的疏忽，基本上没有语言错误。比较好地达到了大学英语四级的写作要求。比较起来，前两段写得更为充实一些，而第三段可能时间不够了，展开不够，如果这一段写得具体一点就更好了。另外，从思想内容来说，还可以想得更深、更严密一些。下面是几点具体的修改建议：

1. 第一段第一句中的"came to the life"应改为"came into the lives"。同一段第三句中的"family member"应为"family members."

2. 第一段第三句中的"to help them kill the time"改为"to help create a festive atmosphere" 更好。 因为"消磨时间"并非是除夕看春节联欢晚会的主要目的， 而全家人一起观看、创造节日的欢乐气氛才是其真正的目的。

3. 第二段没有大的改动，只是加了一些小的修饰词如"it's true that", "unfortunately"等，使上下文衔接更自然一些。

4. 第三段第一句后面加了一句"I cannot conceive of any other entertainment that's better at getting the whole family together to greet the new year"，其目的是进一步说明前一句的观点。否则你的观点不一定能使人信服。

5. 第三段第二句"I believe CCTV can make it more diverse and interesting by adapting it to the audiences' tastes…"逻辑上有点问题，可以改为"I believe CCTV can adapt the program to audience taste by making it more diverse and interesting"。要把春节联欢晚会改得适合观众的口味，其途径是让它变得多样化，趣味化，而不是反过来。

6. 第三段的其他修改，主要是把话说得更具体，使内容更充实。尽管文章的篇幅短，还是要尽量做到有血有肉，文章才更具说服力。

Should we keep the CCTV Gala?

There is a tradition on the Chinese New Years Eve. That is watching Spring Festival Gala on CCTV. On the New Years Eve, the whole family members will gather around to have dinner with rich diversity of dish. And then everybody will seat in the front of the TV to watch the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV. There are so many kinds of performances on this program. It almost becomes a Chinese habit since 1980s.

But recently some people suggested to cancel the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV. They even gave seven reasons. For example, they thought organizing such a big soiree cost too much money, using this money could help the poor. And the soiree was getting boring year by year, the form had never change for many years and so on.

I think there is no perfect but better. Such a big soiree, it's hard to make every part wonderful and make everybody satisfied. We can see actors and directors had tried their best to do it. In fact，it's important that Spring Festival Gala on CCTV gives us a chance that whole family can get together and have time to communicate. The atmosphere of Spring Festival is what we need. So to my way of think, the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV should be continuing.

修改后的文章

There is a new tradition on the Chinese New Year's Eve: watching the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV. On New Year's Eve, the whole family will gather together and have a rich variety of dishes for dinner. Then everybody sits in front of the TV to watch the Gala. There are many kinds of performances in this program. It was introduced in the 1980s and has almost become a custom.

But, recently some people have suggested that the CCTV Gala be canceled for several reasons. For example, they think that such a big event costs too much and the money could be better spent on helping the poor. The program is also getting boring after running for so long. The form hasn't changed after many years.

Nothing is perfect in the world，but we can make it better. We can see that the directors and performers have tried their best to make it a success. But this soiree is done on such a big scale that it's hard to make every part of it perfect or to satisfy everyone. However, the most important thing is that the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV provides a chance for the whole family to get together and communicate. And we need a festive atmosphere. So, in this sense, the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV should be continued.

点评

这篇作文写得不错，文章切题，内容充实，符合考试指令要求。作者思想活跃，思路清晰，文字比较连贯，语言表达亦基本达意。不足的是文字不够精确，文中还存在少量的语法结构错误和比较多的语言小错。下面是几点具体的修改意见：

1. 第一段第二句中的"the whole family members"应改为"the whole family"或"all the family members"。"The whole family"可以指全家的所有成员，"all the family members"也可以指全家的所有成员，但是"whole"与"members"不可放在一起，因为"whole"指整体，"members" 强调一个一个的成员。同一句中"gather around"应改为 "gather together"。我们可以讲"gather around the TV", "around"在这个短语中是一个介词，后面应有宾语才是。接下去"dinner with rich diversity of dish"应改为"dinner with a rich variety of dishes"。在这个短语中，"diversity"通常用于描述生活或人的形形色色，不能用于修饰食品。所以此处应改为"variety": 种类繁多，前应加"a"。"Dish" 是可数名词，此处应为复数。

2. 第一段第三句中的 "seat in the front of the TV"应改为"sit in front of the TV"。"Seat"作动词是及物动词，可以说"seat oneself", 也可以说"be seated", 但不可作不及物动词单独使用。另外，在"in front of"这个短语中，没有定冠词"the"。

3. 第一段最后一句应使用完成时态。一般现在时只表示经常发生的动作，这里的动作已经完成，并影响现在，须用完成时。用词上，"habit"是指"(个人)习惯"，"custom"是"风俗"，两者是有区别的。

4. 第二段第一句中的"suggested to cancel"应改为"suggested that….be canceled"。动词"suggest"后面应该接动名词作宾语或者从句，不接动词不定式。第二段第三句中的"using this money could help the poor"应改为"which could be better spent on/in helping the poor"。原文句子松散，且有中国式英文的味道。

5. 第三段第四句中的"gives us a chance that whole family can get together…"不符合英语表达习惯，应改为"provide a chance for the whole family to get together…"。

CCTV gala entertains families

Spring Festival is the most important holiday for all our Chinese. On the eve, the Spring Festival Gala, which is organized by CCTV, is the most popular program. And it is not rare to see a whole family gather before the TV to watch it. But there are people who don't like the gala. They believe the gala should be canceled because it is so dull.

However, I think the gala is very meaningful and should be carried on year by year. Watching it with the family has become a tradition shared by most Chinese. It provides a good chance to let the family get together and communicate with each other. The songs and dances, together with the nice chatting between family members, often become a good memory.

For the people who think the gala is boring, they may choose other programs. Many TV stations make programs for the Spring Festival Eve and some are different from the gala. They are good choices. But for me, I will watch the Spring Festival Gala again next year.

修改后的文章

Spring Festival is the most important holiday for all Chinese. On Chinese New Year's Eve, the CCTV Spring Festival Gala has become the most popular program. It is not unusual to see the whole family gathered in front of the TV to watch the program. But now, there are those people who don't like the show. These people believe that it should be canceled because it is so dull and tedious.

However, I think the Spring Festival Gala is a meaningful event and should be continued year after year. Watching it with one's family has become a tradition for most Chinese. It provides a good chance for the whole family to get together and communicate with each other. The songs, dances, cross-talk and short plays in the program, combined with the intimate chatting among family members, often provide good memories.

As for those who think the gala is boring, I think they are completely free not to watch it and can choose another program that suits their taste. TV stations in China provide a variety of programs on New Year's Eve and some of them are quite different from the gala. These are also good entertainment, but I believe I will still be watching the Spring Festival Gala next year — and the year after.

点评

这篇作文写得相当好，虽然用字比较简单，但是行文自然流畅，表达思想清楚，前后连贯，可以说是一气呵成。对于一个四级的学生来说，写成这样是很不容易的。全文没有大的语法结构错误，但是在一些细小的表达上还可以进一步改进，下面是几点具体的建议：

1. 第一段第一句中的"all our Chinese"可以改成"all Chinese"或"all of us Chinese"。

2. 第二段第一句中的"year by year"应改为"year after year"。这两个短语，意思比较接近，但并不完全一样。"year by year"的意思是"逐年"(as each year passes)而"year after year" 的意思是"年复一年"(continuously for many years)。试比较下面两组句子， 就会悟出两者在意思上的细微区别：

(1) At first it was rough, but then business slowly began increasing year by year.

The market is changing not year by year, but day by day.

I always thought I was so youthful, but Sally just kept growing younger year by year.

(2) Many birds return to the same spot year after year.

This hotel is quite popular with our regular guests and many come back year after year.

These plants are really a good buy, because you just stick them in the ground, water them, and they'll flower year after year.

3. 第二段第二句中的"Watching it with the family"可改为"Watching it with one's family"; 同一段第三句中的 "It provides a good chance to let the family get together..."可以改为"It provides a good chance for the whole family to get together..."; 接下去一句中的"between family members"可以改为"among family members"。改过后的文字比原文更精确，更符合英语的表达习惯。

4. 第三段第二句"Many TV stations make programs for the Spring Festival Eve and some are different from the gala"可以改为"Many TV stations across the country air a variety of programs on New Year's Eve and some of them are quite different in style from the gala"。原文中的"make programs"不够确切，因为制作节目与播放节目是两回事儿。另外，"some are different from the gala"也不够到位，不同是肯定的，但是怎么不同呢，加一个"in style"就清楚多了。

Learning a lot from travel

Traveling abroad

The number of people in X city who prefer traveling abroad has been growing larger and larger in the past 10 years. In 1995 the number was only more than 10,000 and it grew to about 40,000 in 2000. But it changed greatly to almost 130,000 in 2005.

I think one of the reasons for the changes may be the developing economy. Since people make more money now, they can afford for such a traveling. And then they are becoming more and more willing to study more about the world. Traveling abroad can help to broaden their horizons to achieve the goal. It can also provide a different scene abroad from the ones at home. The last reason is that people want to relax themselves and live a better life.

What effects can it bring about? On one hand, it can make the city more beautiful. People get a lot from traveling abroad and can give suggestion on the city's construction. It can also make foreigners know more about the city and give the city more chance. On the other hand, if more people travel abroad, it will be harmful to the local traveling companies.

In a way, since every matter has its two sides, we must consider it carefully.

修改后的文章

Traveling abroad

The number of people in X city who prefer traveling abroad has grown in the past 10 years. In 1995 it was only 10,000 or so and in 2000 it grew to about 40,000. But it rose sharply to almost 130,000 in 2005.

I think one of the reasons for the increase is the rapidly developing economy. Since people make more money now, they can afford such a luxury. And with the opening up of China, they are becoming more eager to learn about the outside world. Traveling abroad gives them a chance to see the world and thus broaden their horizons. The last reason is that people want to relax and live a better life.

What effects can this bring about? People learn a lot from traveling abroad and when they come back they can give suggestions for their city's construction and on how to make it more beautiful. People going abroad can also tell foreigners more about their own city and help attract foreign investment. However, if more people travel abroad, it will also harm the local travel industry.

Everything has two sides. So, we should make the best of travel abroad while trying to minimize the bad effects.

点评

这篇作文写得还可以，达到大学英语六级写作的起码要求。考试指令要求的几个方面都写到了，表达思想比较清楚，文字亦基本连贯。该考生对语法结构的掌握比较好，通篇没有大的语法错误。缺点是作者的思维不够严密，有些地方语言表达比较模糊，建议该考生下笔之前先把问题想清楚，写的时候注意上下文的逻辑关系，尽量多用具体的、特定的词。下面是几点修改意见。

1. 第一段第二句"In 1995 the number was only more than 10,000 and it grew to about 40,000 in 2000"建议改为"修改后的文章"中的形式。"more than 10,000"给读者的印象是作者要表达多的意思，而在这个上下文中，显然10,000与其后的增长来比是少而不是多。第三句"But it changed greatly to almost 130,000"建议改为"But it rose sharply to almost 130,000 in 2005"。"Change"意为"变化"，改为"rose sharply" (猛增)，作者的观点就变得鲜明了。

2. 第二段第二句中的"they can afford for such a traveling"可改为"they can afford such a luxury"。"afford"为及物动词，直接接宾语，例如："I'm so busy, I can rarely afford the luxury of a restful weekend." 另外，"traveling"是个动名词，一般不可数，因此要改成 "such a tour", 或更加鲜明一点，改成"such a luxury"。

3. 第二段第三句"And then they are becoming more and more willing to study more about the world"可以改为"And with the opening up of China, they are becoming more eager to learn about the outside world"。"Study"意为"学习、研究"，而这里是想"了解"，该用 "learn about"。接下去第四和第五句"Traveling abroad can help to broaden their horizons to achieve the goal. It can also provide a different scene abroad from the ones at home."从逻辑上来讲，先看，才能长见识，扩大视野，所以两句先后次序应该颠倒一下。另外，第二句本身也令人费解，故改为"Traveling abroad gives them a chance to see the world and thus broaden their horizons."

4. 第三段第二、三句"It can make the city more beautiful. People get a lot from traveling abroad and can give suggestion on the city's construction"建议改为"修改后的文章"中的形式，因为原文前后逻辑颠倒，令人费解。接下去的两句"It can also make foreigners know more about the city and give the city more chance"可以改为"People going abroad can also tell foreigners more about their own city and help attract foreign investment"。"give the city more chance"意思不明确。

5. 最后一段"In a way, since every matter has its two sides, we must consider it carefully"可以改为"Everything has two sides. So, we should make the best of travel abroad while trying to minimize the bad effects."这样意思更加明确一些。

Work hard, become rich, travel

Traveling abroad

According to the chart above, we can see that some 130,000 people from City X travel abroad in 2005, compared with nearly 40,000 five years ago. This figure increases to 130 percent during a period of 10 years. It can be expected that more and more people will travel abroad in the years to come. What on earth has brought the ever alarming speed of expansion? The following can account for my points of view.

There are many reasons behind the phenomenon. First, it's a result of the economic development in City X. People seize the opportunities by working hard and become rich. With the living standards raised, people tend to enjoy a more relaxed life as an award of their hard work. For another, it is internationally acknowledged that our world is becoming smaller and smaller. In other words, globalization is inevitable. It brings an intense international communication. Last but not least important, the globalization contributes to the lower prices of traveling abroad as well. As a result, more people choose to travel abroad.

Good phenomenon though it seems, here lies the key. The increasing number of people traveling abroad implies the relatively small number of people traveling around our country. To change the current situation, the government should spare no efforts to develop the domestic tourism to attract people both from home and abroad. Only in this way, can the expectation of world globalization and our country's prosperity be turned into reality.

修改后的文章

Traveling abroad

According to the chart above, nearly 130,000 people from City X traveled abroad in 2005, compared with some 40,000 five years before. The number of people traveling abroad increased 13-fold during a period of 10 years. It can be expected that people will travel abroad more and more in the years to come. What has brought about this sharp increase? There are many reasons for it, but the most important are as follows.

First, it is a result of the economic development in City X. People have used this opportunity to work hard and become rich. With living standards raised, people tend to enjoy a more relaxed life as a reward for their hard work. Second, it is generally recognized that our world is becoming smaller. Globalization is inevitable and international exchanges are bound to increase. Last but not least, globalization has contributed to a lowering of the cost of traveling abroad. As a result, more people are choosing to travel abroad.

The increasing numbers of people going abroad will lead to a relatively smaller number of people travelling at home. To deal with this, the government should make an effort to develop domestic tourism and attract people from China and abroad. Only in this way, can our dream of prosperity become a reality.

点评

这篇作文内容充实，条理清楚，前后较为连贯。作者对复杂的句子结构，包括倒装句，都把握得比较好，表达也比较丰富，例如"compared with"、"in the years to come"、"What on earth"、"account for"、"seize the opportunities"、"With living standards raised"、"In other words"、"contributes to"、"As a result"、"spare no efforts to" 等等，用得也比较到位。问题主要是对词汇的掌握和使用还不够确切。下面是几点具体的修改意见。

1. 第一段第一句中，若用"According to"，就不必用"We can see"。可以改为"According to the chart above, nearly 130,000 people from City X traveled abroad in 2005", 或者去掉"According to"，改为"We can see from the chart above that nearly 130,000 people ?"。同一句中，"compared with nearly 40,000 five years ago"应改为"compared with some 40,000 five years before"，用"nearly"是要表示后面的数字大，而上下文是说40,000跟现在比是小了。另外，"ago"用于从现在说起的"以前"，从过去某一时间说"以前" (如文中从2005年往前算)，要用"before"。

2. 第一段第二句"This figure increases to 130 percent"有两个问题，一是"This figure"指代不清，因为前面有几个数字。二是数字错误，虽不属文字问题，但是大大影响内容，是要扣分的。

3. 第一段第四句中，"brought" 不能代替"brought about" (使发生)，可以改为"What has brought about this sharp increase?"或"What has led to this alarming rate of increase?" 增长速度用"rate"，一般不用"speed"。"what on earth"表示"究竟、到底"，非常口语，不宜用在此类文章中。

4. 第一段最后一句"The following can account for my points of view"可以改成"the most important are as follows"。因为原文是"下面可以解释我的观点"，而这里的下文是他对出国旅游快速增加的解释。

5.第二段第四句中的"as an award of their hard work"应改为"as a reward for their hard work"。"Award"是奖励，"reward"是回报，意思不一样。下面第五句中的"For another"应改为"Second"。"For one thing ?for another"; "First ? second"两个短语不可交叉搭配。

6. 第二段第七句"international communication"可改为"international exchanges"。"Communication"多为思想、语言、电讯的交际，一般不包括具体的人员流动。 接下去一句中"the globalization contributes to the lower prices of traveling abroad"宜改为 "globalization has contributed to a lowering of the cost of traveling abroad"，因为讲的是已经发生的事，不宜用一般现在时。

7. 第三段第一句不知所云，干脆删去。接下去第二句"The increasing number of people traveling abroad implies the relatively small number of people traveling around our country"可以改为"will lead to a relatively smaller number of people traveling at home" ， "imply"表示"意指"，用在这里不确切。

In conclusion, I believe ...

Travelling abroad

As we can see from the chart, during the past decade, the number of people in X city travelling abroad has increased to over 12,000 in 2005, compared to 4,000 in 2000 and 1,000 in 1995. Twelve times in 10 years, what a sharp rise!

Obviously, this phenomenon is resulted from various factors. In my point, here are the reasons: first and foremost, with the improvement of living level in the city, people can afford to enjoy travelling in a foreign country where they have never been to before. In addition, as the development of travelling industry in the city, travelling abroad is so easy that all you have to do is just sign for it in a travel agency, and they'll prepare everything for you.

Of course, some influences will come along with this trend. So far as I can see, those influences are all beneficial. For one thing, much more about China will be showed to the foreigners, and this may attract them to pay a visit back here. Thus help the travel industry in our own country. For another thing, in order to survive in this competitive situation, travel agencies in China will have to improve their services to meet the needs of customers. That's good news to everyone, I think.

In conclusion, I believe this trend will bring much more advantages than disadvantages to the development of China.

修改后的文章

Travelling abroad

As we can see from the chart, during the past decade, the number of people from City X travelling abroad increased to more than 120,000 in 2005, from 40,000 in 2000 and 10,000 in 1995. A 12-fold growth in 10 years, what a sharp rise!

This increase resulted from a number of factors. First and foremost, with the improvement of living standards, people in the city can afford travelling to a foreign country (they have never been to before). In addition, as the travel industry grows, travel abroad has become quite easy. All you have to do is book a tour at a travel agency, and they make all the arrangements for you.

Some unexpected things, however, may accompany this trend. As far as I can see, most of them seem beneficial. For one thing, it will generate much publicity about China, and this may cause foreigners to visit here, helping the tourism industry in our country. For another thing, to survive in this competitive situation, travel agencies in China will have to improve their services to meet the needs of customers. That's good news to everyone, I think.

In conclusion, I believe this trend will bring many more advantages than disadvantages for China's development.

点评

这篇作文写得还算可以，文章内容充实，紧扣主题，考试指令的要求基本都满足了。作者基本上可以用比较连贯的英语表达自己的思想，进行书面交流。虽然在语法结构和用词搭配上都还存在一些问题，但是读者还是可以读得懂的。下面是几点具体的修改建议。

1. 第一段文字写得很顺，问题是出在数字上。可能是看图不仔细，数字都缩小了十倍。

2. 第二段第一句中的动词"result"是不及物的，不能用被动语态，应改为"this increase results from a number of factors"。"Phenomenon"没有错，改成"increase"更为具体，与上文的"rise"呼应，使上下文衔接更紧。第二句中的"In my point"是英文中不存在的搭配，应改为"From my point of view"或"In my view"。其实，这一整句都是废话，因为"reasons"就是重复前面的"factors"。顺带说一句，有些考生为了增加字数，往往用一些没有意义的修饰成分，如"as far as I am concerned", 有的甚至两个连用，如"As far as I am concerned, I think ?"，这样做不但不能加分，反而要失分。接下去，同一句中"the living level"应改成"the living standard(s)"(生活水准)或"the living conditions"(生活条件)。此处作者用"living level"，估计还是受汉语的影响。下文中的"enjoy travelling in a foreign country where they have never been to before"应改成"enjoy travelling to a foreign country they have never been to before"。严格讲，"where"应改成"which"或"that"，省略掉则更好。

3. 第二段第三句中，"as the development of travelling industry in the city, travelling abroad is?"应改成"as the travel industry grows (in the city), travel abroad has become?"。此句中介词短语"as the development of travelling industry in the city"不能做状语，可以改成"with?"，但因为前面刚用了这个结构，不如改成一个从句。同一句中的"sign for it in a travel agency", 较模糊，改为"book a tour at a travel agency"就比较具体。

4. 第三段第三句中的"much more about China will be showed to the foreigners", 宜改为"it will generate much publicity about China"。原句不顺，且被动式不宜多用，应尽量避免。同一段中第四句"Thus help the travel industry in our own country"应改成分词短语，与上句合并。

5. 第四段第一句中的"much more advantages"应改成"many more advantages"。因为"advantages"是可数名词。

From the chart, we can see a lot

Travelling Abroad

From the above charts, we can see the number of people travelling abroad in City X is increasing year by year. In 1995, there were only about 10,000 people travelling abroad. In 2000, the number grew to about 40,000. And in 2005, the number soared to over 120,000. Why there has been more people choosing travelling abroad in the past decade?

The most important reason lies in that the living standard in City X keeps rising in recent years. The economy has seen a rapid and sustained growth. People have more spare money to spend on travelling. And with the economic growth, people's consumption attitude has also changed a lot. The old concept of saving money for future use is out of date, replaced by a new one emphasizing on enjoying the life while one can. The new concept is especially popular among young people who have already accepted credit cards and loans as a part of life. So young people are the driving force in the trend of travel abroad.

The momentum of the increasing number of people travelling abroad may exert impact on different industries and people's way of life. Tourism, of course, will benefit most from this travelling rush, which will further boost the economy. Thus, forming a virtuous cycle. Cultural exchanges will be another major benefit resulting from travelling abroad. People have a glimpse into another culture and broaden their vision so that people of different countries and regions will have a better understanding about each other.

修改后的文章

Travelling Abroad

From the above chart, we can see that the number of people travelling abroad from City X is increasing every year. In 1995, there were only about 10,000 people travelling abroad. In 2000, the number grew to about 40,000. And by 2005, the number soared to over 120,000. Why did more people choose to travel abroad in the past decade?

The most important reason is found in the fact that living standards in City X have kept rising in recent years. Its economy has seen rapid growth and people there have more spare income to spend on travel. People's attitudes towards consumption have also changed a lot. The old concept of saving money for the future is out of date and is being replaced by a new one emphasizing the enjoying of life now. The new concept is especially popular among the young, who have already accepted credit cards and loans as a part of life. So the young are a driving force behind the travel abroad trend.

This upsurge in travel abroad may have a positive impact on the economy and the way of life. The tourism industry, of course, will benefit most from this growth, which will in turn boost the economy, forming a cycle. Meanwhile, cultural exchanges between countries will be greatly promoted. Travel abroad affords tourists a glimpse of other cultures and broadens their vision and people of different countries and regions can gain a better understanding of each other.

点评

这篇作文写得很好，达到了六级写作的较高要求。内容充实，前后连贯，文字亦较为流畅。举第一段为例，第一句是个主题句，点明一个大的趋向。接下去的三句用具体的数字加以支持，而且用词也很考究： "In 1995, there were only..."； "In 2000, the number grew to..."； "in 2005, the number soared to..."；三个句子的动词不同，力量也不一样，可见该考生已经具有一定的文字修养。而最后一句则很自然地过渡到第二段。总的来看，该考生对语法结构把握牢固，能够活用的词汇也相当丰富，所以表达思想就比较自由。需要进一步注意的是英语中的习惯搭配和习惯用法。

下面是几点具体的修改意见：

1. 第一段最后一句 "Why there has been more and more people choosing travelling abroad in the past decade?"疑问句没有倒装，主谓语在数上也不一致， 应改成 "Why have more people chosen to travel abroad in the past decade?"或"Why did more people choose to ??"

2. 第二段第一句说"The most important reason lies in that..."，注意，除极少数情况外，介词后一般不直接跟 "that"引起的名词从句。应改成"The most important reason lies in the fact that?"，更为顺畅的说法是"the most important reason is found in the fact that?"。

3. 第二段第五句中"emphasizing on enjoying the life"应改为"emphasizing the enjoying of life"。"Emphasize"为及物动词，后面直接跟宾语，不要加介词。

4. 第二段最后一句中 "the driving force in the trend of travel abroad"，在这个搭配中，介词"behind"远比介词"in"普通。另外，文中所说的年轻人的因素应该只是众多 "driving force"中的一种，所以用"a"比"the"更为恰当。

5. 第三段第一句中的"exert impact on"比较少见，还是改成 "have a positive impact on"为好。另外，"impact"可数，要加冠词。 同一段第五句中的"have a glimpse into"应改成"have a glimpse of/at"；"have a better understanding about each other"亦为少见，宜改成"have a better understanding of each other"。

Sorry boss, I can't take the job

A Letter declining a job offer

December 18, 2005

Dear Mr Zhang,

I was very glad to receive your letter. Thank you for the job offer.

I'm satisfied with both the condition and the salary of your company, but I'm sorry I can't accept your offer.

The main reason of my decision is that I want to further my education. When I submitted my CV to your company, I also sent one to a university in U.S. They gave me a chance to take an interview and fortunately I passed all their tests. The university was satisfied with my GRE scores and my abilities. They offered a scholarship for me to study in their university. I think I should learn more for my further development.

I made such a choice after several days' consideration. I think you'll understand my choice, won't you?

It's a pity that I can't work in your company now. Maybe when I come back from US three years later, I will still have the chance to work with you. I hope your company will grow and prosper in the days to come.

Wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Sincerely yours,

Da Shan

改写后的文章

A Letter declining a job offer

December 18, 2005

Dear Mr Zhang,

I was very glad to receive your letter. Thank you for the job offer.

I'm satisfied with both the working conditions at your company and the salary you offered me, but unfortunately I can't accept the job.

My main reason for declining is that I want to further my education. When I submitted my CV to your company, I also sent one to a university in the US. They gave me an interview, which I passed. The university was also satisfied with my GRE scores and my abilities. They offered me a scholarship to study in their university. I think I should not miss the chance to learn more and further my development.

I made the decision after several days' consideration. I think you'll understand my choice.

It's a pity that I can't work in your company right now. I hope when I come back from the US after three years of study, I will still have the chance to work with you. I hope your company will grow and prosper in the days to come.

Wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Sincerely yours, Da Shan

讲评

这封信写得相当好，考试指令提纲中列的三点内容它都涵盖了，思想前后连贯，而且格式正确，口气也很得体。语言运用比较自如，行文比较通顺，没有大的语法结构错误和拼写错误。词语搭配大都符合英美人的使用习惯。例如， "receive your letter" 、 "accept your offer" 、 "satisfied with"、 "further my education" 、 "submitted my CV to" 、 "take an interview" 、 "passed all their tests" 、 "made such a choice" 、 "It's a pity that" 、 "in the days to come" 等等。应该说，有了这样的基础，用英语进行一般的交流是不成问题了。当然，在语言使用的精确程度上还有一些美中不足的地方，下面就是几点修改意见：

1. 第二段第一句中"the condition"宜改为 "the working conditions"。 "Condition"一词有几个意思，作为"状态、状况、病情"解时，一般用单数形式，例如： "the condition of bridges"， "excellent physical condition"。但是作"环境、生活、工作或学习的条件"解时，一般用复数形式，例如： "economic conditions" "living conditions"。在本文中，作者显然是指工作的条件，所以该用复数形式。在同一句中 "the salary of your company"也不确切，中文讲"你们公司的工资"，实际上是指"你们公司付给我的工资"，这里应改为"the salary your company offers/pays me"或"the salary you offer /pay me" 。

2. 第三段第一句中"The main reason of my decision"应改为"The main reason for my decision"或"My main reason for declining the offer" 。介词"of"一般表示同位语关系，如： "The City of London", "the month of October"等。但是此处，作者要表达的是一个"原因"关系，所以要用"for" 。如： "And was that your reason for becoming an actor?"

但是在下面两句中， "reason"后面接介词"of" ，因为这里的原因就是后面的"insanity"和"age"：

"Hinckley was found not guilty, by reason of insanity, of trying to assassinate the President."

"Sam was disqualified by reason of age, i.e. being too young, to drive this car."

3. 第三段第三句中的"I passed all their tests"改成"I passed the interview"比较准确。考试是前面的事儿，这里只有面试，没有考试。

4. 第五段第二句中的"three years later"宜改成"after three years of study" 。 "three years later"这一结构里面含有一种比较，其计时的起点是前面说到的某一个时间，例如： "They took him to the local hospital and a week later he was dead." 如果从现在起往前算，则用介词"in" ，例如： "I'll come back in a few minutes."

5. "US"应为"the US" 。专有名词原来有冠词的，缩写后冠词仍然应该保留。