开心一刻


Improvement  

    One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
    "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

The Reason of Being Late


Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.

A Good Boy


Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
     "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
     "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
     "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly.
     "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
     "She is the one who sells the candy."

Essay


    Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."

The Good News and The Bad News


    The doctor is talking to a woman in a hospital bed. "I have some good news for you and some bad. First the bad news -- we amputated  the wrong leg. Now here is the good news -- we've discovered that your other leg doesn't need to be removed after all."

Nothing


   Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. "Nothing," the Englishman answered imperturbably, "It's simply that my room is on fire."

The plural Form of "Child"


Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.

The New Teacher


George comes from school on the first of September.
    "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
    "I didn‘t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

A Pledge


Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday, and everyone was complimenting him on how well he looked.
    "I'll tell you the secret," he said. "My wife and I were married seventy-five years ago. On our wedding night we made a pledge that whenever we had a flight, the one who proved wrong would go out and take a walk. I have been in the open air continuously for the past seventy-five years."

Absent-minded Professor


  There were three professors at the railway station. They were deep in conversation. The train had just arrived, but they did not notice it. Then the guard shouted, "Take your seats, please!"
     The professors heard the guard and rushed for the train. Two of them got on the train before it moved. The third one was left behind. It was Professor Egghead. He looked worried.
     One of the professor's students was at the station. He tried to comfort the professor. "It wasn't really bad, sir," said the student. "Two out of three caught the train. That's quite good, you know." "I know," the professor said. "But it was my train. MY friends only came to say goodbye."

Am Not Wrong


    Eleanor's younger brother Freder was a simple youth. On day, Eleanor's husband, Babo, went to Africa in a hunting trip accompanied by Freder. About 3 weeks later, she received a telegram from her brother saying: "Bano died in hunting a lion." In great sorrow, Eleanor sent an answer to her brother saying: "Send the dead body home."
     Three weeks later, a parcel arrived from Africa in which was the corpse of a lion.
     Eleanor sent an urgent telegram back to Freder: "Lion received. You are wrong. Wanted dead Babo." The next day she received a final telegram from Freder: "I'm not wrong. Babo and one of my legs are in the abdominal cavity of the lion."