千金难买一笑

Improvement
    One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
    "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

进步
    一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样？”
    “很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”

To Go to Heaven 去天堂


To Go to Heaven
Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven?
Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.

去天堂
主日学校的教员：想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来。。。你呢，哈里？你还没举手呢-- 你不想去天堂吗？
哈里： 我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。

The Reason of Being Late 迟到的原因


The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.

迟到的原因
老　师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到？
约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校－缓行’。

Whose Fault 谁的错


Whose Fault
Teacher: Betty, you made so many mistakes in your exercise, surely your mother will blame you!
Betty: Blame me? Oh, mo. On the contrary, I'll blame her. Because it was she that did my homework instead.

谁的错
老师：贝蒂，你作业中出了这么多错，你妈妈一定会责怪你的！
贝蒂：责怪我？啊，不会的。正相反，我倒要责怪她呢，是她替我做的作业。

The Biggest in the World 世界上最大的


The Biggest in the World
    Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
Teacher: Peter! Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
Peter: Well, well.... eyelids....
Teacher: What? Eyelids?
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.

世界上最大的
    老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？
彼得：这，这。。。。。眼皮。。。。。
老师：什么？眼皮？
彼得：是这样，老师，因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上的一切东西都遮住了。

Mother Was too Busy 妈妈太忙


Mother Was too Busy
Teacher: Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time.....
Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.

妈妈太忙
老师：迈克，你老是叫你的父亲替你做作业，这次又。。。。。。
迈克：对不起，老师，这次作业我本不打算让爸爸替我做，可妈妈实在太忙。  

Guessing a Riddle 猜谜


Guessing a Riddle
Teacher: Boys, I have a riddle to ask you. There's something wearing   beautiful feather, and it can wake you up every morning. What is it, Tom?
Tom: A feather duster, with which father wakes me up every morning.

猜谜
老师：孩子们，我有个谜语要你们猜：有一种东西，浑身都是漂亮的羽毛，每天早晨它能叫你起床。那是什么东西，汤姆？
汤姆：鸡毛掸子，爸爸每天都用它叫我起床。

Three Reasons 三条理由


Three Reasons
Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round.
Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so!

三条理由
老师：”斯通，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。“
斯通：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，你也是这么说的！

Nobody's Perfect 没有十全十美的人


Nobody's perfect
Teacher: Harris -- you're no good at all --you can't add, subtract, multiply or divide. You're unable to figure out the simplest of problems, and you got a zero in every test but one.
Harris:  But, sir -- nobody's perfect!

没有十全十美的人
老师：哈里斯--你算是没治了--你不会算加减法，你也不会算除法，你算不出最简单的问题，你除了一次考试其它都得了零分。
哈里斯：可是，先生-- 世界上没有十全十美的人。

He Knows the Answer 他知道答案


He Knows the Answer
Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

他知道答案
教师：你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？
学生：我能，先生。他们都死了。